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Depression and Anxiety – The Beginning

Introduction:

The thinking behind this website is simple, I have been involved with depression on a personal front for many years, more recently with friends and family, so decided to look deeper into the subject, to see if I can help others who are suffering, or know those who are.

Depression, Anxiety and Stress are all interconnected, as hopefully you will see as the blogs unfold week by week.

And yes I have been there:

Why am I able to write this. Because one evening I took a long hard look at myself as I walked by the river, watching the cold, black, swirling mass. It would have been been so easy just to walk down the bank and have all my problems obliterated forever.

After all my partner had ripped me off for thousands, so the business was failing, I was about to lose my house, I did think what would my wife and kids do without me, would they be better off! Homeless, penniless and alone, It was a coward’s way out.

Then I had a light bulb moment the world would be a dreadful place without me in it!!

Call Me Big Headed or Arrogant, I Do Not Care – It Helped Me Too Cope

So I lit a cigarette (have now not smoked for over twenty-three years), walked a bit further as I gathered my thoughts, then I turned round, went home and gave my wife a big hug.

More recently, like twelve months ago, I was conned by a fraudster, the result was the emptying of my bank account, business account and savings. This money was to allow us to live in comfort for the rest of our days.

Thanks to a thieving low life, we hardly had any cash. What did we do, accepting that the bank may not reimburse us, was the only way we could cope. So we went back to those days of a long time ago. Pulled in our belts canceled, all direct debits, that we really could live without, bought cheap food and went totally thrifty.

Before this I might go for a drink two or three times a week. Now I do not go at all, well only occasionally. I cannot believe how little that I can live on. My wife as always has been an absolute brick, reducing her housekeeping to help, my pocket money has shrunk to nearly zero each week.

In twelve months we now have a small amount in the bank.

We just got on with life, it was no use getting depressed, we had been there and done that.

At least we have a pension each week, this let us start again.

We did have some fun though, and proof that things were getting better. The back door from our house decided to try to part from its hinges due to being old and rotten. For a while I was able to patch it up so that the door did not fall away from the house totally.

When we had money we were always going to have it all done in u PVC, now we didn’t have the cash, needed a new door, but we refused to borrow.

So we saved even harder, now we have a lovely new back door.

What has this got to do with depression, possibly not a lot, apart from us just accepting the problem and sorting it out the best way we could.

We all deal with depression in different ways.

In hindsight, having re-read the earlier piece, I was suffering from a form of depression. Before this bank problem, I was working on a website, had products ready to sell, a few other money streams ready to launch, for a long time after the scam I did not work on it at all.

Although we needed the money, I had no energy to do anything about it.

The last months it has made me aware that it was getting me down, have had a very long hard think, as I always do had a chat with my wife. It will not be easy, but I am determined to get back to what I was doing, in fact it will be very hard work.

Also, had another bout of depression in that I began having a glass of wine, OK yes but not every night, fortunately I became aware that it was a habit to get rid off.

BUT

No longer will I be beaten.

Call me arrogant, selfish, self-centred, big headed, I do not care, the first part was many years ago. My wife, children and now my grandchildren are my life, not forgetting my step great-grandchildren, especially as we have recently had another step great-grandson. Together we will fight all that is thrown against us.

No matter what you might think – LIFE IS WORTH LIVING.

Writing this has made me think that many years ago, over fifty to be precise, my first wife left me, what a surprise I was depressed. Waking up one morning in my single room on camp, I reached for the Brandy bottle poured myself a good stiff drink, then I looked at the clock, it was 3.30 in the morning.

Realization kicked in, she was not worth it, nor was the bottle the answer. So I went and saw the Medical Officer who put me on medication. No alcohol for months and a much more sane me.

Another form of depression.

Over the coming months I intend to publish various articles on depression, anxiety and stress, in the hope that it will help all who read them to understand or cope with this very upsetting illness.

A short while ago I attended the funeral of a cousin who I had lost touch with, reading the obituary was sad to see that his wife had also passed away. Attending the funeral as the only family member, the majority live a long distance from here, was pleased that it was very well attended. Listening to the Eulogy realized that he must have committed suicide.

Speaking to the lay reader who took the service, she confirmed that is indeed what he had done. Spending some three years after the death of his beloved wife, he slowly sank into that pit of so deep depression that he could bear the pain no longer.

Conclusion:

Though I did not need a spur to launch this website, I feel that I owe this to my not so old cousin, who I remember being born, to try to get some form of message across to the world through the internet, about this dreadful mental illness we know as depression.

In the long term I hope to have a presence on Twitter, Linkedin, Facebook and Instagram also I would like to publish a newsletter.

In the meantime, please do keep coming back to read the latest material.

Your comments will always be welcome, including criticism.

Stay calm and peaceful.

Stuart

 

 

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